Name

Grievances

• Mispronunciations of words like: Nuclear and Aluminum
• Phrases like: "At this point in time" (as opposed to this point in another time?)
• People who talk all the time but say nothing
• Athletes who are paid millions to act like asses
• Televised Golf
• Televised Bowling
• Televised Figure Skating
• Competition Ballroom Dancing (Ooooh, could I please crush my hand with a sledgehammer!?)

• Halloween

• If everything appears to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.
• A 300 dollar picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first.
• Unbreakable toys can be used to break other toys.
• If it jams, force it, if it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
• The more decrepit the vehicle, the more maniacal the driver.
• A dropped tool will always land where it can do the most damage. Also known as the law of selective gravitation.
• A broken appliance will always work perfectly when demonstrated to the repairman.
• A short cut is the longest distance between two points.