Further, if you attempt to file suit against the author of this web site, he will immediately file a counter-suit recommending that you be summarily executed by the most ridiculous means possible--something involving a Slinky®, Play Dough®, and duct tape perhaps. Failing that, he'll probably just run you over with a cement truck.
There are no warranties either expressed or implied, and your 30 day money back guarantee expired last tuesday. In short, you didn't pay for anything here, so the author doesn't guarantee that anything will work. You got a problem with that, bucko?
In no event shall the author of this web site be liable for incidental, consequential, indirect, special, punitive, or mental damages of any kind, or for loss of revenue, business, car keys, wallets, bank accounts, sanity, weight, sexual prowess, or hair arising out of or in connection with the use, performance, failure, or condition somewhere between functioning and failure of this web site.
Some states do not allow the exclusion of implied warranties or the limitation of incidental or consequential damages. Those state exclusions are completely null and void in Witt World because the author believes only in a single all-powerful federal government that rules with an Agrarian Dictatorship. This of course means your rights on this matter are a universal constant.
This is not a credit card application however, any financial information you supply to the author will be forwarded to the IRS with an anonymous tip that you owe $30 million. You will spend the rest of your days in audit hell.
Viewing of this web site prior to or during conception (as if you have nothing better to do) could cause minor birth defects including uncontrollable giddiness, and a really annoying nervous twitch in the left nostril. Women who are pregnant or breast feeding should not view this site for longer than 30 hours at a time. Men who are pregnant or breast feeding should consult a physician immediatlely.
People who are on certain medications, those with pacemakers, those with complete or partial frontal lobotomies, those with high blood pressure, those with high cholesterol, and those with large noses should avoid engaging in excessively moronic activities on this web site.
Any minors entering said premises for purposes of viewing this web site, or who attempt to solicit an adult of legal age to view this web site for them will be fined not less than $10 nor more than $100. Any adult caught assisting a minor in viewing this web site may be fined $10 and/or imprisoned for up to 10,000 years.
You must be at least 3 inches tall to view this web site. You must be at least 3 feet tall to view the author. You must be under the influence of certain medications to view a 3 inch tall author on this web site.
The author is not responsible for lost or stolen property including any property he has personally lost or stolen, nor is he responsible for bad or missing command interpreters or cross-linked clusters.
Information on this web site is subject to change without notice, and may also not change after a notice of change is given.
Companies, names, and data used in examples herein are fictitious unless otherwise noted, so consider this notification that companies, names, and data used in examples herein are not fictitious.
The following sentence is a lie.
The preceeding sentence is true.
This web site has been tested and does not comply with the limits for a Class A digital device persuant to Part 15 of the FCC rules. These limits are designed to provide reasonable protection against harmful interference when the equipment is operated normally.
Since it is the author's policy to interfere by any means possible, this web site is operated in an excessively abnormal manner to achieve grossly unacceptable limits of harmful interference.