Earl of Kent-ucky (looking righteous): "I thought the Duke of Cornball had more balls than that!"

Big Edmund (happily): "It did seem so to us; but now, in the face of The Earl of Grey Tea, not a pancake made could make a man of flesh."

Earl of Kent-ucky (gleeful): "Then verily we shall smite him and force him to partake of the waffles of chocolate!"

Pablo (enters, confused): "Thou sayest WHAT Big Ed ?"

Big Edmund (proudly): "We are the upper crust... and I am a friend of a friend of the working class."

Oswald (with vim and vigor): "You are a persona non grata, Big Ed! "

Pablo (looking directly at Oswald with a disgusted look on his face, and holding his nose with his left thumb and forefinger): "Tu no te limpias el culo?"

the King's Mistress, Erin Spellbadder (whining): "Why is it always me?"

The Director (absolutely pissed off): "Am I the only one that's contributing to this damned play, or am I only able to view the stuff that I add? If I don't see anything new from someone else pretty soon, I'm going to piss in your petty little pancake batter!"

The nut (crazy, hitting with fat fried Grands biscuits): "take THAT Yanni!!!!"

The King's Mistress (with a perplexed look at the director): "Which damned king's mistress am I? I thought that Leroi Yanni, the king of France, was a gay monkey...? That must make me Liverboy's mistress, which is good because I love pickle pancakes!"

Dominius "Tongue Stuck On Frozen Flagpole" Mookpiloh (Hanging from the ceiling): "I think you guys are all weirdos. I'm goin to that new mall with only Starbucks in it. anybody want me to bring em back something?"

Oswald (wryly): "Bring me back a 'Dawn of the Dead' videotape autographed by all the zombies in the mall. With cream and two sugars."

Earl of Grey Tea (distracted): "pray tell, what wind blowest from thy mistress' cula? bring thou thy pokers red and hot, or if not red and hot, bringst thou me glade by which to clearest this thou foulest pickled air."

The Earl of Kent-ucky (still gleeful, though with no apparent reason): "If you do not hunt you do not eat. So sayeth Lord Rundgren. Fireth up thine pokers and let's hunt!"

Dominius "Where's The Beef?" Mookpiloh (Handing out boiled hamsters): "The Health Inspector closed the mall down, so I got everyone this new Mcdonalds dish."

The Nut (yelling crazily): "HOT POKER KILL HURT MAME!!!! THOU SAYEST THY STARBUCKS IS CLOSED!!!!! KILL ALL THEE WHO CLOSE THY STARBUCKS!!!!!!!!! USETH THY HOT POKERS!!!!!"

earl of grey tea (to the king's mistress aside): "say unto me thouest whose gates are open to my king,woulds't thou allow this my rapier (exposes himself) to prick thy patch?"

earl of grey tea (ranting): "do thou as moses and tiest thy burdened asses to yon fig tree and walkest thou unto Starbucks with thy pokers hot and untie therein your asses except thou, oh mistress mine who shoulds't not tie thy ass to yon fig tree."

SpunkyMunky (looking at A Rock): "O lonely rock, waitest thou to be thrown? Canst thou possibly have been left here so long among these people and not have been taken advantage of? 'Tis pity 'Tis true..."

Kent (curiously): "I thought the king had more affected the Duke of Albany than Cornwall."

Gloster (in response to Kent's quandry): "It didn't always seem so to us: but now, in the division of the kingdom, it appears not which of the dukes he values most; for equalities are so weighed, that curiosity in neither can make choice of either's moiety."

Doctor Simian (enters courtyard)

Liverboy (following behind): "*sob*"

Doctor Simian (shaking her monkey head at Liverboy): "I can not help thee, oh King of Pancakes. Difficult is thy task; heavy is thy burden. Mayhap thy find comfort in waffles made of delicious chocolate."

Liverboy, King of Pancakes (distraught and unconsolable): "My kingdom for syrup! Shaman, thy have forsaken me for sugaey confections! Are not my ovaries in need of cleaning? Are not my hot pokers content enought to rest upon the Earl of Grey's wanton vestibules of seed?"

Doctor Simian (pulls a Devil Dog out of vest pocket): "I say thee one thing true has come of this. The hot pokers ring true on their mark! Thouest see the reason of waffles and butter. Humble is the healer, I, for Liverboy is true of panackes and pokers. "

Doctor Simian (waving the Devil Dog in the Earl of Grey Tea's face): "Thy festering pockets of batter has put a blithe on the land! Keep thy seed and reap no more! For thee is icubus! Thee is hell spawn! Lay down thy latte and beg the wild-haired Liverboy a quick death by fire ants!"

Piss-Boy (relieving himself on the king's castle wall - wondering what Dr. simian thinks of the health effects of bodily waste and when urinals will be invented): "hmm-hmm-hmm, hmm- hmm-hmm...."

The Anti-Yanni (modestly): "You renaissance bastards didn't inviteth me into this scene! Therefore, you can all eat thine pickled strawberries! Now, get thee to a turkey farm. And don't forget your pokers, smokers!"

Earl of Grey Tea (madly incoherent): "thou bastard of the turkey dost thou not know the sucubus of Simian shall curse thee with piss ants and fire ants when thy weeds fall upon the stool to whence thou shalt seat thyself to purge thy bowels of turkey that bloats the gut. get thee hence to thy stool!"

The Anti-Yanni (gloating): "Mine eyes have seeneth the glory of the burning of your stool!"

Earl of Grey Tea (as if hallucinating): "List! Oh List! Thrice the cock did crow;thrice the cat did mew; thrice the mongrel homped his bitch. Me thinks this dos't fortell the coming of Sir Andrew of the Shorthorn who tis said will save us from our cooling pokers and dulling wits. (sniffs a strange substance) All hail! (bows) All hail Sir Andrew of the Shorthorn!"

The Anti-Yanni (disrespectfully): "All hail THIS, Grady! Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead."

Sir Andrew (in the manner of Wiggam): "Thou, thou copulators and fornicators of mothers, remove thou thy fingered probes, and thou, thou bastard child of Lardlumps, yea, even remove thou thy gerbil and set thyselves to receive the final baptism of the poker from whence thy wits shall again be fresh!"

Blonde (with enthusiasm): "me me me!"

The Rock (tossing itself at Kenny): "YOU BASTARD!"

The Director (thoughtfully): "Don't use parentheses or quotation marks, folks. They'll be provided by the big plastic box in front of you. As you were."

Gor (irritated to director): "finger thyself with thy dildo!"

The "REAL" Director (Looking at what his creation has turned into): "My masterpiece hath becometh Sodom & Gommorrah; thou must chasten me with my chastener, handmade by the duchess of cornball, secretly kept within the concubus of Mirth. Yon! "

the nut (pissing the night away): "i drink a whiskey drink..."

The Anti-Yanni (solemnly): "To pee or not to pee, that is the question..."
 
 

Lardlumps (with a hint of evil in his gleam): "Your, mistress, good King, she is an apparition unto my loins."

Gor (tauntingly): "I'll give you an apparition unto your loins, saucy boy!"

Homer J. Simpson (confused): "i am looking for my beer..."

The Nut (something to horrid to name): "i got your beer right here HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA"

FLAGG (character too decrepit to name): "two beers or not two beers, that is the question - whether it is nobler to pickle your mind and suffer the slings and arrows pounding through your skull in the mourn.........."

FLAGG (character to decrepid to name): "two beers or not two beers that is the question wether it is nobler to pickle your mind and suffer the slings and arrows pounding through your skull in the mourn.........."

Gor (while throwing a kitten): "Don't be repetitive!"

The nut (Throwing rock at Flagg): "Don't be repetitive"

The nut (Throwing rock at Flagg): "Don't be repetitive"

(shoves big rock in directors face)

Earl of Grey Tea (to all): "Thy wit, ifst bred in thy bird's brain, woulds't cause thou thy bird to fly backwards."

Earl of Grey Tea (animated): "Hie thee hence all to thy bongs and suck thereof that thy wits mightest thou resurrect. But thou, Moanica, mistress of thy well-hung king who even now indulgest aunt jemima, stay thou here and suckest thou thy wit from my bong which even now overfloweth. Get thee hence and when thy wits restoreth returnest thou unto this chamber!"

(all exit save moanica and Earl of Grey tea):

Earl of Grey Tea (eloquently perverted): "Sit thou besideth me, or yea even bestrideth thou me, or whatsoever thou wilt and permiteth my blessed rod and staff cleanse thee of the devil which even now seemeth to speak from thy lips ruby and supple."

The King's Mistress (thoughtfully): "Dah"