Narrator (Slightly pausing for the big rolling letters) there was trouble aboard a small ship which was carrying some very precious booty indeed, the princess. The ship was being followed by a large michrophone shaped ship...

Princess Leia (Recording Message Into R2-D2) Help me Obi Wan Kenobi..... Goddamn R2-D2, what swamp of Dagobah did you crawl out of this morning?

Han Lowblow (hitting on Leia) "Hey, baby, let's you an' me do sumthin' bootiful, huh? Hey, we're being shot at!"

Luke (Smacks Leia) BITCH, get back into the kitchen where you belong!

Obi-Wan (runs to the cookie jar) COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE

Big Bird (Strictly) Obi-Wan, please close your mouth while you eat that. And for god's sake count how many cookies you eat so this is educational.

Kermit the Jedi (Happily) Everyone hi-ho, the force is strong with this one, mmm.

Obi-Wan (with a mad look in his eyes) Like or would say giving to you, you of the these biscuits Kermit, me of the chocolate, I will negotiate it. It will be this gerbil of you the sugar! 

Kermit (frowning) I think which you a Wookie had bought...

Some guy in a ship (over the communicator) COPY RED LEADER !! COPY RED LEADER !

Imperial Leader (Looking out to viewscreen of the Dea-- Elmo.) A ah ah ah ah !! Now we shall count the pieces of the planet Alduran !! A ah ah ah aaah 

Snuffy (as The Planet Alduran) Oh dear . . . .

Boba Fett (pacing nervously) "I feel like shooting something."

Oscar (Bleeping) Ping bleep bleep ping pong peep

Leonard Nemoy (in his Documentary voice) As one may imagine, long periods of space travel can have an adverse affect on people. Here, we can see the typical Jedi breakfast of cat food.

Luke (munching happily on cat food) *crunch* *munch* *crunch* mmmmmm.... soggy . . . . 

Leonard Nemoy (still talking) . . . and right here behind me, we can see two crew members engaging in a ritualistic game of "kick R2-D2.

C-3PO and Obi-Wan (kicking R2-D2) *clang* *clang* *clang* . . . ow, my foot . . . . *clang* *clang*

Leonard Nemoy (gesturing to a door) And, right behind this door, we can witness the mating habits of Han Solo. (i'll spare you that, however)

Luke (approching Leonard Nemoy) Hey, you !! What are you doing in this movie ?

Leonard Nemoy (beaming out) Uh-oh. It appears the time has come for me to leave. *BWEEEEEEEEM . . . 

CarNut (His usual indifferent self) Why am I here? Oh, now I remember...

Carnut (Floating through space to the tune of Pink Floyd) Grooooooooooooooooooovvvvyyyyyyymies terrrrrr

Carnut (Bouncing into Elmo) Freakin' deathstar!!!!!

Elmo (Smiling) HEHE, THAT TICKLES!!!!

Carnut (Smoking a crack pipe while sticking a lighter under elmo) HHehe THIS, hehhehehehehehehehehehereehehehehehe hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahshhohoh ohohohohohohohohohohohohooblb;b;lb;b ;bblblblblblblblbbl hubba hubba

Darth Bladder (smoking a cigar) Are we there yet?

Imperial Leader (looking out the viewscreen) Soon, Lord Smiley. But first, I have to count all the stars along the way. A ah ah ah aaaaah !! (lightning strikes, even though they're inside a ship)

Darth Smiley (Gesturing towards the window) Now we will show our true force by pointing the Death Elmo at that planet. The one shaped like an "O." What kind of words start with "O"? Octopus, orphan, orgasm...

Carnut (Crazily) Bye bye, deathstar!!! HAHAHAHAHA

Po (singing) Teletubbies rule! Again, again!

Mr Hooper (of Hooper's Store) Bahaha!!! The time of reckoning is near!

All (gasping) Mr Hooper! We all thought you were dead!

Hr Hooper (Laughing) No! I was merely encased in carbonite aboard Boba Fett's ship. 

Bert (surprised) Really? cuz when that happened to me I woke with this strange rash on my.........

Betty Lou (Scolding) Han! For the last time, no-one wants to hear about your goddamn herpes!

The Great El Guacho (Running towards Bert) ARE YOU THREATENING ME???????

Elmo (screaming) I need TP for my bunghole!!!

Director (angrily) Elmo, elmo, you are supposed to be the DEATH star, Not the Great cornholio, Understand? Now, get back to work!

Wedge (over com system) Nice shot Red 2

Luke Skywalker (frowning) Bert! Bert! I think I wet myself!

Han Solo (looking around franticly) Nurse Ratchet! Nurse Ratchet!

Leia (hitting Han with a vintage, ash, 1945, Louville Slugger upside the head) All I wanted was a Pepsi!

Han Solo (eyes rolling back in head) UHHHHGHHHHH !

Luke (Shoving his Rubber Duckie Light Saber In Leia's face) Will you guys Shut the F#&% up and stick to the freakin' story !?!??!??!

Death Star (imploding in a feverish vibrating chuckle) THAT TICKLES!

NOTE: The director is told NOT to produce a sequel to this film.