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If your life was an anime series, what would they call it, and what super powers would you have?
Jenn Dolari
I would be Digi-Yoshi Marmoset-san, Defender of Japan, and friend of Godzilla. My cuteness would fell evildoers and I’d be so charmingly fluffy that no one could resist me. Not only would I have a cartoon, an action figure, a 6-figure, 3-year contract, and all the bourbon I can drink (which is a lot), I’d be listed HERE. Life would be good.
- Simian -
Um, actually there IS an Anime series that is based on my life.  It's called Vampire Hunter X (the sequel to Vampire Hunter D-why they went from D to X I don't know).  Anywhoo, my super powers include: The ability to get really drunk and swing a big sword, and the ability to shock people with my antennae.
- Jason -
 

Since Elvis is from the South, can he help the Patriots win the Super Bowl?
q0dr
Duh, okay, I'll see what I can do... Umm, wait a minute. I'm not from the South! Screw YOU, Buster! And SCREW the Patriots, too! Always shovin' me around the battleground with their muskets! Who the heck thought up such a silly sport in the first place?
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

May I bask in the glow of splee?
Tickle Me Pretty
Only if you want to lose your hair, become sterile and get severe radiation burns.
- Simian -
OK, but you should be aware that particular byproduct from my ship's reactor will irradiate you with about 4000 rads/minute. You'll be glowing permanently after about 5 minutes.  You'll be a molten puddle of goo after about 20 minutes, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
- Jason -
 

I found some white stuff on the back seat of my Impalla.  Any thoughts on what it might be?
lady sasami
OK!  Who ate my Twinkie dammit!
- Jason -
 

Jason, I heard that you were really desperate so you hooked up with a cow on Friday.  That cow was my sister.  How could you do this to poor Bessie?
moo moo says the cow
Well, you're partially correct.  I did hook up TO a cow Friday, but it was with the grappling attachment on my space ship.  See, I'm contracted by the U.S. Government to abduct cattle for experimentation, and your "sister" was unfortunate to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  If it's any consolation, she didn't feel anything after she hit the ground from 2000 feet...
- Jason -
 

Can you get aids from an infected cow?
moo moo says the cow
I suppose it depends on what you're willing to do to the cow.
- Jason -
 

I'm looking at your pictures, and you guys look so cheerful. You are constantly happy.... so, whats your secret?
robwerto
Heavy drinking. Of course, shock treatments help too.
- Simian -
Well.... like.... there's this thing.... and we..... like..... ummm....... like.... you know.
- Elvis Shortliver -
Booze.  Big screen TV.  Playstation.  Repeat as necessary.
- Jason -
 

Well, guys...the joke has gone on too long. I have somthing to tell you. You know how for years now you thought you were all "popular" because of all the people that asked you questions? Well, it was me the whole time. Yup... I was EVERYONE. From Flagg to Wild Bill to shmiley and most recently to Boo Radley and Big Bird. Yeah, I sure fooled you guys. I kept the site going myself. I bet that noone else has even been to the site. It was really I, Steve. You remember me DON'T YOU, ELVIS???? FROM GYM CLASS??? THE ROPES ELVIS, THE ROPES!!!! You remember.... THE WEDGIES??? THE SOILED UNDERGARMENTS?? And this....this is my greatest plan ever......to take over Wackyadvice!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! watch your back........................................................
Steve
Hey guys, the webpage is talking back to us again! Get the shoe!
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

Is it true that Snaggletooth is Simian and Jason X's secret love child?
q0dr
SIMIAN!  You said nothing happened that night we all got really hammered and everyone rubbed each other down with Canola oil!
- Jason -
 

Here I am wrighting a question from school..... what shall I ask??? Um, why is cancer bad? And where might I purchase some?
schoolman
It's good to see your utilizing my tax dollars so frugally (ask your mom what that means) - Oh, and see me after class.
- Elvis Shortliver -
... And the Lord said DIE CHILDREN DIE!!
- Simian -
 

My teady bear says you are trying to kill me, mister. Please don't.... see? I have big eyes.... come, there's enough splee for everyone to bask in the glow of...
splee
Crumbs! And here I was waiting to pop a cap in that bear’s hinder! Wild Turkey take me away.
- Simian -
 

I bet you this MacDonald's Big Mac (I'll throw in the fries too) that its still illegal to have 6 year olds work for you. And I dont think you can have Simian work for you cause you need a license to have tropical animal or something and are Elvis and Jason even legal citizens? Or are you guys in Canada where you dont need no stinking papers?
paco
Hey guys, the webpage is talking back to us again! Get the shoe!
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

What's up with some of your visitors? Are they like all from the same high school or something? You need a broader audience. Old people can be pretty funny you know.
paco
If you're like me - and I know I am – you’re going to start wondering just how much funnier Gillian’s Island would have been if Peter Graves had been cast as Mary Ann.
- Simian -
 

Hey! I'm so glad your back.  But I am wondering, where did the rest of the gang go?  Were they sold into slavery?  Are they being held hostage at an underground sweat shop?  Are they out on a hunt for the elusive G-spot?  Are they still hung-over?
Guido
Nope Guido. We were just taking a break, relaxing our tootsies for a bit. See, we NO LONGER are the borderline psychotics who are being picked up by the law for tapping into illegal webspace an hour after being released from the slammer for public annoyances. That's right, We're NORMAL! That felt AWESOME!!! WE-ARE-NOR-MAL! WE-ARE-NOR-MAL! Wooooooo Hooooooo!!!!!  (...and the pants fly off as Mr. Shortliver is shuffled in the paddywagon...)
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

Is home schooling a good chocie?
ben
It is if you're content with your child being able to spell big words, but completely lacking in all manner of social graces.  Obviously you weren't home schooled because you misspelled choice, but you seem reasonably well mannered.
- Jason -
 

Do you remember Monkey Deuch? What the hell was that guy talking about?
boo (radley, that is)
We think Monkey Deutch may have been abducted by Action Igmar after he tried to take the quantum molecular fire gill enhancer from Worms Hero. Either that or he’s locked up in some padded room somewhere. WE LOVE YOU MONKEY DEUTCH!
- Simian -
Out of all our visitors, none have been talked about more often than Monkey Deutch, then *POOF* he's gone! But you know what, Boo? Monkey Deutch is alive right here, in my heart. Once you let Monkey Deutch into your heart and accept him as your personal saviour, you'll feel.... well... pretty much the same as you did before, but you may start having nightmares about working with drunk monkeys & space aliens.
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

I'm back!! Hey, do you think with all of this terrorist stuff going on, society will finally let us losers slip into complete ignorance??
Bailey
What makes you think that hasn't already happened?
- Jason -
Hey Bailey! Look! I'm over here! I'm Osama bin-Laden! Uh, wait.... Zoom! I'm over here now! Wheeeee!! Blippo! Now I'm over here! Isn't this fun? Alakazam and I'm over here! Hee hee!
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

One time, I had a cookie. It was chocolate. I dropped it on the floor and My dog ate it. Why can't chickens fly?
Bailey
Maybe I dialed the number wrong. Let me try it again. Let's see... 'zero'...
- Simian -
 

Would you like to try some Australian neapolitan ice-cream? The 3 flavours are Dingo Liver, Witchety Grub, and Vegemite. There's never any Dingo Liver left when I get to the freezer.
OzzyPedro
Mmmmmm mmmmm!! Nothing says, “Australia hates the rest of the world” like Vegemite. Oh, except for maybe the so-called career of Yahoo Serious. I’ll try some dingo liver but only if you promise not to let Paul Hogan back into the country.
- Simian -
 

What the hell is a 'Bippie'?
Shmiley
ROTFLMAO!
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

Why is it that every time I open my mouth, I end up insulting myself in some way?  I must be stupid!
Guido
You need a mentor. You know, someone who can teach you how to truly get to know people... from across the street... through a telescope. Uh, ask Flagg.
- Simian -
 

My wife was misteriously missing from the grave plot today?  I think Bill Clinton got to her.  What do you think?
Richard Nixon
Actually, if I'm not mistaken, George Dubya had her exhumed because she was a suspected terrorist even though she was an American citizen and she was dead.  I think it's because he mistook being 6 feet under with living in a cave.
- Jason -
 

After reading the innocense in Snaggletooth's answers to questions, I don't feel I can ask a sexy question for Jason this week. What is happening to me?
Lucy
<whimper>
- Jason -
 

Why is it that every time I've just washed my Toyota Hi-lux (with the anti-aircraft gun on the back), I have to rush out and smear mud all over it again because there's an air-raid? It can be quite embarrassing taking my fiance on dates to the ammunition dump in such a dirty car.
Mullah OzzyPedro
Why don't you just ditch the car & walk? Do you have "walking" down there in Australia? Hey, wait a minute! That's not a Toyota Hi-lux! That's a crocodile! Isn't it?
- Elvis Shortliver -
I wouldn’t worry about it Mullah. After all, your fiancé, Tammy Faye Baker is just glad to be out of that women’s prison. Why, you could take her to the opening of the new Yahoo Serious movie (“I’m An Idiot With No Talent”) and she wouldn’t even notice that she was on the Australian continent.
- Simian -
 

Why should the Bliss come to an end and the mountains fall in radiant booms that shatter what was once created by the Great Hundias?
The Scholar
Coz that's what those ones do to ya. THESE ones will make the mountains slowly shrink over a longer period of time, but you may also start frothing at the mouth. Hey, there's always a price, huh! NOW, THIS little bugger here will make your face feel like it's being stabbed with an ice pick, and your bladder & your bladder will release within 5 minutes.....
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

Since history repeats itself and all, I was wondering if people would drink some cherry cyanide koolaid that I made, if I told them they would have eternal peace, and all that crap?
kitty treat
Sorry Kitty Treat but I think you’d have to count me out. I mean cyanide goes right to my hips.
- Simian -
 

I was reading though the archives, and I came across something very disturbing.  Both Simian and Elvis both mention kicking midgets in the groin.  "Dwarves", or "little people" do not like the term midgets.  In fact, they take it as derogitory.  Therefore, you should refrain from using that term and cut all references out of this site.  If you fail to do so, I will sue.  Thank you and have a nice day.
DR. IMA MIDGE ETTOO
Hey guys our garden gnome came home! <whump>  Bad gnome!  I've told you never to leave the yard.
- Jason -
*kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* You Ain't Suin' US!! *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* *kick* (6 hours later) *drag* *drag* *drag* *drag* *drag* *drag* *drag* *DUMP*
- Elvis Shortliver -