| THIS
WEEK
Why does it sound so damn
appealing to have a T.V. in my bathroom?
Guido
http://www.looneyland.net
 You
haven't taken a bath since you got Web TV back in September! Interesting
pattern forming on your couch, though. And circus peanuts all over the
floor make hunting for a treasure so exciting!
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Because
maybe you hope that 24 hours of the Inbred Redneck Music Video Channel
will finally scare off those pesky toilet bowl elves?
- Simian
-
Probably
because you've just been itching to drop that puppy in a tub full of water
you're relaxing in. Can't you just feel the high voltage surging
through your body making your muscles twitch uncontrollably. . . Now relax.
. .Tense. Relax. Tense. Relax. Restart your heart. Relax. Foam
at the mouth. Relax.
- Jason
-
Why
is the sky blue? huh? huh? huh? Why are squirells so cute?
huh? huh? Why is Richard Nixon a bad man?? huh? huh?
Wait!!! I know, why are guys obsesses with the back side of
J-Lo? (Jennifer Lopez)
lady
sasami
The
sky is blue because of paint. Squrrels are so cute because of their offspring.
Richard Nixon is a bad man because he didn't always wash his hands after
a meeting. And guys obsess with the backside of J-Lo (Jennifer Lopez) because
of some baad baad whiskey. 'Spect the 'Monkey' had something to do with
it, the whiskey that is.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
I recently
found evidence that the old grey mare really IS what she used to be. How
can I tell the public?
Shmiley
 Keep
it to yourself. We're not into bestiality around here. . .
- Jason
-
Are
brothers born to be a pain the fu**ing a$$
$@$$@
lalalala@lala.com
My Lord,
I have never seen anyone use such profanity in such a visually stimulating
way! I MUST visit my local parishioners right away and report my discovery!!
They will be so pleasantly surprised!
- Elvis
Shortliver -
How
do you become a love goddess?
Lucy
You
can start by coming over to my space ship for some pointers.
- Jason
-
I already
AM a monkey love goddess Lucy. Pay attention.
- Simian
-
Are
men the epitome of all evil, or were they born with their brains in the
wrong places? I mean come on, whoever made them must have lost the
instruction manual and just placed parts everywhere. And why can't they
use the real brains instead of the ones below the belt? Gaw!
Whoever thought one MINOR mistake could lead to a lot of trouble?
Athena
It's
a small world after all! It's a small world after all! It's a small world
after all! It's a small, small world!
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Okay,
so which one of you is the hottest?
Whinny
Hopalong
I think
it's largely indisputable that *I* am. My body temperature averages
over 462 degrees fahrenheit.
- Jason
-
Well
technically, since Jason's core temperature is enough to cook small mammals
with prolonged, direct contact, I'd have to say he's the ‘hottest’. And
if you get him really, really angry, he starts emitting enough radioactivity
to burnout most of the American Midwest. It's pretty cool.
- Simian
-
What
is your name?
What
is your quest?
What
is your favorite color?
lady
sasami
Name:
Jason X
Quest:
To find the perfect beer. Failing that, I'd settle for 3 Swedish
Bikini team members with big chests.
Favorite
Color: Fluorescent green
- Jason
-
Last
night I had a dream where Jason X came down to Earth and took over the
mind of George W. Bush with an alien Parasite named Big Tad. The
result was a gigantic, evil war exploding all human lifeforms into gory
yucky bloody bits. After this, he and his two cohorts, a monkey and
a man with a scary fro began to do a silly silly dance throughout blood
red streets. Should I be disturbed by this?
The
Jester
I was
under the impression that you were already disturbed, Jester. I
think all those fatty foods are beginning to anesthetize your brain.
- Simian
-
No,
because Jason X DID come down to Earth, has taken over the mind of George
W. Bush with an alien parasite named Big Tad. The result was a gigantic,
evil war exploding all human lifeforms into gory yucky bloody bits.
After this, he and his two cohorts, a monkey and a man with a scary fro
(that's me!) began to do a silly silly dance throughout blood red streets.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Who's
dreaming?
- Jason
-
How
on earth can they have the "Canadian Edition" of 'Americas Funniest Home
Videos'?
Guido
http://www.looneyland.net
 What's
this? Those ridiculous Canadians want to be as unfunny as Bob Saget and
the entire cast of Larry King Live? Aren't they pretty unfunny already?
I mean, how much more humor can we get out of back bacon?
- Simian
-
So
exactly how much longer do you think that Mark guy is going to take the
constant ribbing from his mom? Every time she says to him "What's
this look like, a Holiday Inn?" I can tell it eats away at him more and
more. Tell you what -- that Mark guy is gonna go postal on his parents
and on Gramma, then we'll see some ratings!
Wild
Bill
http://members.fortunecity.com/wldbill/sporttapes.html
Any
day, I expect to see them running a commercial where Mark laughing hysterically
stuffing his family into a chipper/shredder. Finally, he stops, looks
at the camera, and says "What does this look like? You can bet your
sweet ass it ain't no Holiday Inn!!!"
- Jason
-
Well,
I hope so, because that Mark guy is the CEO of SnackWurst, who happens
to illegally own THIS SITE, and he says we could really use the hits. SnackWurst
has threatened us - HOW many times, Jason? EIGHT times! - EIGHT times,
so who else would he vent his frustration at? That's right, his constantly
ribbing mother! Uhh, can you keep this a secret, Wild Bill? You know, the
whole "Mark & his Mom" part. Thanks.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
How
come u never answer my questions? What's up with that?
MR.
BOogie Man
Hey
Boogie, could you please restate this question in the form of a desperate
cry to the gods to save your worthless hinder from an unholy, hideous death?
Thanks!
- Simian
-
Could
the *Poppin' Fresh* Dough Boy ever grow like 10 times his size and be like
that marshmallow evil dude on GHOST BUSTERS?
lady
sasami
Yup,
if you make him eat his own product. That crap will stuff you up until
you explode with buttery goodness (to quote Simian) - bits of you will
rain down on a city until it gets locked up in raw batter. You really do
not want to do this.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Grrrr!
Pfsst, pfsst! Stay away from my magnificently doughy boyfriend, sister!
Pfsst! That giggly bag of underdone cookie batter is MINE! MINE! Grrrr!
- Simian
-
Seeing
as someone is too busy and is watching some tv marathon I just thought
I'd see if I could pull you away long enough to ask you one question.
How long does it take the sun to cycle through its hydrogen phase and go
on to its helium phase? I'd really like to know seeing as it will
swell up and consume the earth and all. Just thought I'd see.
Thanks.
oh
look theres an airplane
You
know, this is worse than a trick question! It's a trip-us-up question!!
Ok, FINE, seeing as how my Uncle Stephen pushing my cousin Freddie in a
wheelchair was losing the Down Syndrome Wheelchair Marathon anyway, We'll
answer your stinkin' question, ok? Go ahead, Jason.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
I've
been dribbling a lot lately. Should I grow a moustache on my chin?
OzzyPedro
www.give-me-money.com
Why
don't you just try closing your mouth? I mean, aside from putting a halt
to that incisive drooling, it'll stop all those flies from getting in.
- Simian
-
Got
any strategies on how to win tic-tac-toe?
Whinny
Hopalong
Yup.
Pick a really stupid opponent.
- Jason
-
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