I feel so happy
You think that's hip
Pancakes are very very good
Extra bacon bits and shiny magnets

MARMOSET
MARMOSET

Is it because I'm a monkey that I like toasters?
Gum is a snack food
Look its sugarless!
Blenders that work on seven speeds
Take out the sharp stick and poke Jason in the eye!

MARMOSET
MARMOSET

I am marmoset
- Simian -

How come you include my email address in the questions I ask but I never receive mail from anyone here who ask questions or answer them?? What is the point of this email address thing?
FLAGG OoFLAGGo0@aol.com
We're part of an elaborate government conspiracy employed to allow tracking of every individual on the planet.  This should come in handy when the supreme dictator from my home planet invades and needs an "inventory".  We post your email address so the officials that are part of this little "black op" can confirm who you are.  You don't have a problem with that do you?  Because we have other officials we can send to "discuss your concerns" if you do.
- Jason -
Gee Flagg, everyone else seems to be getting tons of email every week from visitors coming to our website. They all email me to thank me for including their address on the page so they can meet new people. I did notice that you have America On Line as your internet provider - from my own traumatic experiences which I can now fully talk about AOL uses a special filter to weed out REAL email messages & replaces them with SPAM. The reason they do this is because all real email must first be read & approved by AOL cyber-nerd Steve Case. As a side note, Good Ol' Casey will be joining us for our CEO Spotlight Special coming this summer where he will be sending free Spam, reading Flagg's emails, and blocking himself from his own buddy list.
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

Hai! I have queston fau yo. Wha do yoo tink abowt awl pepole who act rike they Chinese? Should I awlow tham to come in mai corneu stau? And could yo pwease link to www.geocities.com/walterehaines? Do it! Au I chop yo haed off!
Crazy Chung thenext1@hotmail.com
You know what really concerns me, Chung? Garden gnomes. Sure, they all seem harmless; as a matter of fact, some of them look almost friendly, but I assure you they are heathen demon-spawn! Beware the garden gnomes kids! They'll poke out your eyes!
- Simian -
 

Ok if I have a question in the unanswered question area am I allowed to answer it?
FLAGG OoFLAGGo0@aol.com
I don't think that would be a good idea.  See, that violates the 14th interdimensional law of not acknowledging your own existence.  If you were to attempt to answer your own question, it would open a space/time rift at our website that would likely swallow the earth entrapping us all in a non-dimensional vortex where time doesn't advance.  There would be no color, everything would smell like ozone, and everyone would sound monotonic like that Clear Eyes guy Ben Stiller.  But hey, I'm just making a suggestion.  If you really want to answer your own question, go ahead, but let me know before you  do.  My spaceship is on blocks at the moment while I'm repairing the gravity drive.  Simian, Elvis and I want to have it ready to get the hell out of here before you violate that law.
- Jason -
 
 

As I was laying in bed last night, with gas I couldn't help but wonder, Where does gas go if you don't expel it? FLAGG OoFLAGGo0@aol.com Since I wont get a response to my question I asked earlier I decided to answer my own question... since I cant guarantee that I will have an unanswered question next week... the gas mixing with the carbon dioxide in your body which usually results in morning breath.... see that wasn't so hard to answer now was it... - FLAGG - Dear Flagg, Not expelling gas is a very real health hazard and should only be done under strick dietary consignment... what am I talking about... expell the stuff and pull the covers over your spouses head and yell "The indians are coming!" Hope I helped. Have a great day! - Blonde - It turns into boogers. Which means that if you "shoot a fairy" regularly you won't have to pick your nose as often. - OzzyPedro - I have thought long and hard about this and my belief is that it floats toward your head.  If you make a regular practice of holding gas back without expulsion, the bleaching characteristics will eventually turn your hair blonde.... - Stanford - WHY DO YOU THINK I MOVED AWAY?????? - Funkywun...Flaggs Cute Sister -

BUNBUN's Poll #7A  It looks like we had some interesting guests for dinner - Ozzy Osbourne savored Dove Head and Cocaine Pie (an english dish), Jack Nicholson dined on That bug up your a$$, The Pope bit into a few Monkburgers, Tonya Harding killed & ate Dingo & eucalyptus pie, and Tammy Faye Baker cried while devouring her crude petroleum nuggets.

Who is whiter, Eminem or Will Smith?
John fried_cheese@hotmail.com
Now, let's put a twist in this question: Who is whiter, Eminem or Will Smith, AFTER they put on their Mime makeup? See, societies problems stem from our inability to accept the Mime. Perhaps what we really need is a worldwide Day Of The Mime, where ALL people, black, white, asian, etc., could for one day behave without such racial barriers... wait a minute... what am I saying?? DAY OF THE MIME?? John! You DUPED ME!!
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

Do they have soup in outer space?
Pointer
Oh absolutely!  Did you ever read Douglas Adams' "Restaurant at The End of The Universe" where they have a type of cow that presents itself to you in the restaurant and suggests areas of itself that are particularly tender or sumptuous, and then goes back and kills itself in preparation to become your dinner?  Well, on my home planet, we have soup chickens that were bred to tell the chef which areas of them are particularly tasty for the specified soup.  Of course, in deep space where there's very little gravity, soup does become extremely difficult to eat since it congeals into a liquid sphere and you basically have to eat it with a straw.  For this reason, most deep space missions don't serve soup, but they do serve a lot of pop tarts!
- Jason -
Sure! If they didn't, the universe would implode onto itself and we'd all be dead. Soup is good.
- Simian - 
 

Where's the mime?
Bailey
The Mime is with the beef.  I asked "Where's the beef?" but no-one could tell me.
- John -
MIME, did you say MIME!!!! i thought i had rid myself of MIMES!!!! if you really need to find a MIME look in the mirror...... you will see one right behind you.... careful though don't let him see you.
- FLAGG -
On the moon with Simian. They are starting a tribe of Monkey-mime people.
- OzzyPedro -
 

I apologize for the last outburst by Crazy Chung. It seems he has been eating too much raw fish lately. I keep telling him to cook it but he keeps arguing that bears eat raw fish and that's where they get their strength, and as far as that chopping your head off thing goes, It's quite possible that the fish gods (as they call them in China) have whacked his mind by singing the Roly Poly Fish Heads song to him over and over again. I guess the fish gods are looking for a little revenge. Anyway, since your suppose to ask a question in this... What do you think I should do about Crazy Chung's raw fish eating problem?
GJ Jonsson thenext1@hotmail.com
Hmmm. Maybe a good spanking would help... with a fish! I bet people would pay TOP dollar to see Crazy Chung spank YOU with a fish! 
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

If I could fly to the moon, would you come with me Simian? We could start a tribe of Monkey-alien people.
Bailey
Well considering that the moon is believed to be part of the earth you would be a moonling not an alien as for simian going with you well all I can say is how would she be able to help me with all my problems??
- FLAGG -
I'm not Simian, although I do drag my knuckles on the ground when I walk, so I can't answer your question.
- OzzyPedro -
 

Hey, just wondering, If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan????
Bailey bubbl2000@webtv.net
Well, the first attempts to use Elmer's white glue didn't work out so well because when the pan got hot, the glue burst into flame burning the entire lab to the ground.  The second attempt involved the use of that stuff they put on sticky notes, but people were peeling it off the pans and putting it on toilet seats which needless to say resulted in a few lawsuits.  The third try involved the use of a fusion canon to blast it onto the pans, but they never could get the cannon turned down enough so that it wouldn't completely vaporize the pan, the lab director, the wall behind the pan, the Wal-Mart on the corner down the street from the lab, and the football stadium two miles away which happened to be in the path of the beam. The last and fortunately successful attempt involved sending both the pan and the teflon to months of counseling where they learned they could work together without sacrificing their own needs.
- Jason -
Magical dwarves cough up hairballs on the surface of pans creating a really sticky coating of, uh, 'stuff'. We call this 'stuff' Teflon. The magical dwarves call it 'spit'.
- Simian -
 

I think you misspelled the bands name as it definitely sounds like that  chick screaming is Helen Keller. Shouldn't it be "The Burning Kellers" ?? Or am I missing something?
Pointer
I haven't got a clue what you're talking about. So maybe I am missing something. Personally, I think they should be called "The Burning Mimes". 
- OzzyPedro -
The answer to the first part of your question is NO! As for the second part of your question aren't you missing fingertips like me? Or do I have you confused with myself?
- FLAGG -
 

How many chickens does it take to get to the Tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop? (One, two, three... CRUNCH!!)
Bailey bubbl2000@webtv.net
... Waaah! The chickens!!!! My head!!! No! Oh, God! *crack* HELP! ...STUCK IN YOKE! ...mrwmble... blPOAaCH ITt... gurgle....
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

I can't think of a question to ask you this week. Does this mean that I now know everything?
OzzyPedro
I like pancakes. Now send me all your money.
- Simian -