This is to inform you all that the previous temp has been let go, effective June 19th. We had hired him at a reduced salary with the instructions to answer as many questions as he could, but we did not expect that he would answer each question with the same answer. To fix this horrible problem, we have brought back the original staff to fix this problem.
 

What the hell are you doing here?
Umm... I'm answering some of the most pathetic questions ever asked to us. What are YOU doing? Ohhh, I see...
- Elvis Shortliver - 
Drinking heavily. I’d leave but Jason Super-Glued me to the bar stool. Now, what the hell are you doing here?
- Simian - 
 

Why does superman wear his underwear on the outside of his outfit?
Those aren’t regular skivvies, they’re Depends and he wears them because he has a really weak bladder. One would think that the Man of Steel wouldn’t have this problem, but apparently not all of Clark Kent is, uh, ‘super’ if you know what I mean.
- Simian -
Apparently his "tights" got a hole in them some years ago, but because the fabric for his costume came from Krypton and is virtually indestructible, it wasn't available on earth. Since his undies were still intact, he just reversed the ordering.
- Jason - 
 

What's the time?
Right now? 3:37PM Eastern Standard Time.
- Elvis Shortliver - 
 

How do I download Jason X to my computer?
OK, first, right click on the X key on your keyboard--with your mouse.  Next, select Options->Artificial Personality->Aliens->Green->Antennaed->Bad Attitudes->Jason X.  Select the tab labeled "Install", and press the F13 Key.  If your keyboard doesn't have an F13 key, just bang your head repeatedly on the keyboard until you hallucinate that I've been installed on your PC.
- Jason - 
 

What's up?
Nuthin' much, just hangin' around.
- Elvis Shortliver - 
 

Do you like cheese?
If it comes in a can and sprays out like Silly String, you bet! I especially love to dose that sticky goop on toddlers and small dogs. It’s funnier than pepper spray and I don’t need a license to use it. Oh wait, did you mean to eat?
- Simian -
 

Are you a boy?
It depends on your definition of "boy".  Are we talking boy like "Boy George"?
- Jason -
 

Are you wearing lipstick?
Not right now.
- Elvis Shortliver - 
 

Should I kill myself?
After reviewing the list of what was asked to G. Willy, I’ve been asking myself that very same question. What they hell were you people thinking? 
- Simian -
 

What are you exactly?
*Sigh*.  OK, once again for the members of the class who were apparently in a coma when we went over this the first time:  I'm a cross between a Panda, a bumblebee, and Michael J. Fox.  My gastrointestinal tract is in shambles.
- Jason - 
 

Hmmm....this isn't Elvis Shortliver is it?
Actually, Yes, I AM Elvis Shortliver. 
- Elvis Shortliver - 
 

How do I become a millionaire?
Sell your internal organs on e-bay. Sure you won’t survive the removal process but think of all that money in your bank account.
- Simian -
 

I can't pee what do I do?
Explode?
- Jason - 
 

Hi how are you?
Oh, I'm fairly well. And I'm very relaxed too. This work thing's not going to last much longer, though, that's for sure! Sheesh, who has time to manage their anger working at a thankless job with a monkey & an alien? Supermario? No! He has his own game! I want to bounce around like he does! Not sit around trying to help one person figure out if they can "get cancer from chipmonk powder" or if "we all live in a yellow submarine" or "What is 2+2?" - get my point? Hello! Let's go people! Time's a wastin'! You hold the destiny of this website in your hands! *BZZZAAAAAP!* ....... uhh, thanks Jason.
- Elvis Shortliver - 
 

Why aren't I a photographer?
Because taking a picture requires a camera. Honestly, what are you people smoking?
- Simian - 
 

How can I get a guy to notice me?
Kick him in the 'nads?
- Jason -