Thus far, the only clue to their location has been in the form of a recurring dream in which Elvis and Simian are lying on a pink beach drinking some strange alien cocktails.  Simian sits up looks straight at Jason and belches loudly.  Elvis then proceeds to throw hair care products in Jason's direction.  While suggestive of telepathic attempts by his friends to contact him, Jason cannot be certain the dreams aren't the result of simply consuming too many cheese puffs before going to bed.  The trauma from this recurring dream is slowly taking its toll on Jason who has begun to isolate himself on the ship and listen to Pink Floyd for up to 18 hours a day while staring at several recently purchased lava lamps.

And so our saga continues. . .

Wuzz up now? 
Grace Shuler
Well, at the moment, I'm trying to get chocolate milk out of the carpet, while simultaneously trying to avoid falling into the miniature seething black hole next to the couch that swallowed my companions.  Stupid thing already sucked up my vacuum cleaner in a strange almost comical irony.
- Jason -
 

Do you love me?
Anonymous
Define "Love".  Do you mean like in the way Simian feels about a fifth of gin, the way two redneck cousins at a family gathering feel in the back seat of a '68 Camaro, or do you mean the way Bin Laden feels about his prize goat?
- Jason -
 

Hi
Anonymous
Join us next week, when someone adds a verb in a group effort to form a complete coherent sentence. . .
- Jason -
 

Who is this?
Anonymous
This is Jason X, ruler of worlds, admirer of the Serta sheep, tipper of cows, and ill-tempered little green guy.  I'm highly radioactive, get angred easily, and I HATE corned beef.  Simian and Elvis aren't here right now, they got sucked down a black hole, and I've been trying to find them.
- Jason -
 

Hey Jason, when my girlfriend says "I really hat you, you f***ing bas***d." does that mean she doesn't want to cuddle with me? Just wonderin,
Billy, WA 
Well, given my limited knowledge of the opposite sex, I'd say it means she wants to Jell-O wrestle you naked with spears.  About the only thing I've ever figured out about women:  never pat a woman's pudge and say "awww, isn't that cute".  It took my skull fracture nearly 3 months to heal.
- Jason -
 

Who's touching me!
-Bobo, of Looneyland fame 
Oh, sorry <ziiiiiiiip>
- Jason -
 

Hey
Tori 
No, no no! YOU'RE supposed to provide the VERB!  OK, who's got the freaking adjective?  And who got Play Dough on the pronoun???  Flagg!  Get that dangling participle out of your nose now!
- Jason -
 

Jason, you're smart, right?  Can you help me with my Algebra homework? 
What is 6(x-7)+ 45(y+67)=x(6+y)-(5+2x)? 
Anonymous
~~> CLICK TO LISTEN <~~
- Jason -
 

Hello, Jason?  Um.  Hi.  Er.  I have a...no...well I...I think they're...well...no. Maybe.  With a.... Never mind.
Jenn Dolari 
It's OK Jenn, I have trouble peeing in public too.
- Jason -
 

Jason! Finally, its just the two of us...you know, Elvis and Simian were just getting in the way from us having a really, really, good time. *pulls down zipper on jacket* So what do you say, Jayson?
-Carnutz
~~> CLICK TO LISTEN <~~
- Jason -
 

I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of weird guys with milk mustaches walking around Wal-Mart. 
Anonymous
Sheesh, if that's the weirdest thing you've ever seen at Wal-Mart, you're lucky.  I once saw a really fat woman with 5 kids circling around her as she walked down the aisle stuffing powdered donuts into her mouth.  It reminded me of a black hole with planets circling its event horizon just before they got sucked in.  Sorta like the one that snagged Simian and Elvis but with less cellulite. . .
- Jason -
 

Your a stupid idiodic bitch right?
              -Poop 
More or less, but I do know how to correctly spell "idiotic", and I know the difference between Your and You're. . . Oh wait, you're one of those morons who learned to spell using SMS aren't you?  Ah, another generation "whatever-letter-we're-up-to-now" sinks to new lows in the academic arena.  Now, about your bovine lesbian mother and your surgically altered goat-loving transvestite "father". . .
- Jason -
 

Why did I wake up in Canada with no socks on this morning? 
Anonymous
More importantly, why were you wearing a kilt and why were the lyrics to "Comfortably Numb" written in permanent marker on your back?  If I didn't know better, I'd say you spent a night on the town with Simian.  She used to wake up completely shaved with colorful permanent marker doodles all over.  We never did figure out who did it.  Beer Fairies perhaps?
- Jason -
 

Dear Jason X,  Why are you green, are your underware green, and is green your favorite color? Also I heard somewhere that a Vortex is green...can that be? Am I only allowed one question a week?
S&!^...what is my name? 
I'm green because I'm radioactive (and I have a small amount of chlorophyll so I can derive energy from sunlight).  My undies vary in color depending on what freaky patterns are being produced when I need new underwear.  Red is my favorite color.  And yes you're only allowed one question.  Now I have to kill you.
- Jason -
 

Who's Elvis and Simian???
Big Bird 
<smack>
- Jason -
 

Can I be a question answerer at your site? 
- Penguin Patriarch/Stranjer 
I dunno, our standards are pretty low.  You probably exceed our maximum standards.
- Jason -
 

This is not a question, but to be a humour site it needs to be funny.
signed h.g. pennypacker wealthy industrialist 
Do you remember the exact moment your soul died?
- Jason -
 

Ummm, I think that they told me they were going to either "the store" or "into an alternate dimension to battle the Lord of Time and Space, Gelgaron, before he ends all life as we know it." I can't remember wich it was... O well!!!
Good luck, Llarson 
I think it was the latter, but I've lost my address book and I can't remember where the hell Gelgaron lives so I can't go look there for them.
- Jason -
 

What the hell is wrong with you?
Anonymous
A better question would be what the hell ISN'T wrong with me.
- Jason -
 

How do I cure boredom?
Anonymous
The Weather Channel!
- Jason -
 

Is there someplace where I can get a degree in pimping?  Because I'm really bad at it right now.
Anonymous
Yes, the Los Angeles Pimping School or LAPS for short.  There you'll go through a full curriculum and learn how to dress like a pimp, how to talk like a pimp, how to walk like a pimp, and even how to diplomatically handle things when your ho gets out of line.
- Jason -
 

Do you live in the us?
Anonymous
Sometimes?
- Jason -
 

Hey this is exciteing...it's like where in the world is Carman Sandiago......ok, I think I saw Elvis and Simian at the Eifel Tower being assulted by mimes...or maybe they were doing the assaulting..
-Robwerto 
No no no, that was a vacation photo, and it WAS Elvis and Simian doing the assaulting.  In fact they threw one mime off the top of the Eiffel Tower.  It was horrible.  He was completely silent all the way down.  He didn't even thud when he hit the ground.
- Jason -
 

So, now that you've knocked out a large portion of the northeast's power and left many without water and electricity ... what are you gonna do to, you know...relax?
-Boo Radley 
Gin on the rocks. . .and Mystery Science Theater 3000 reruns.
- Jason -
 

Are you P.H.A.T?? as in Pretty Hot And Tempting?? 
Anonymous
I'm actually very hot.  About 452 degrees normally.  As far as tempting, I don't know, is a little green guy who emits intense radioactivity tempting?
- Jason -