The Last REJECTED Page!
Due to budgetary cuts & other miscellaneous reasons, this portion of Porfessional Advice! has been eliminated from the budget by SnackWurst Food Product Corporation AKA "The Owners" - you would think that the remaining staff would be required to work alot of overtime to answer all the questions that are featured here, but that is not the case, as SnackWurst has also advised the staff that there is to be NO overtime. What does that mean to you? Not much. Just remember that if you ask a question, it may not be answered, or even posted on this site at all. Please read the new Frequently Asked Questions page put out by the staff HERE for further details.

Lady Sasami forking rawks! Who wants to download Sylvia Saint movies off Morpheus?
Tahmeekah Lahsheekah
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Oh, so the bippie is singular. Now I get it. Well, I don't think I want to see it anymore.
Bailey
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Where can I get a shrubbery?
Bailey
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where can i get a cool leather jacket like putrid's? he's so smooth he must have the ladies all over him.
paco
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Where can I get a really cheap date?
anonymous
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Why don't you like midgets?
anonymous
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Whats wrong with me?
anonymous
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Dearest Putrid, For some time now, I have been having an affair with boo radley. He is a great guy, but he has problems, with shall we say, playing "ring-a-ling" with me. Somebody needs to help him...  Putrid, would you be interested in a threesome?
boo radley's sectret lover... Scout Finch
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I'm thinking about turning my Impalla into a "shag wagon" 
lady sasami
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What time zone are you in?
q0dr
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Mr. Bob
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Why are pigs pink? Why is mud brown? Why do people on this site always do psychotic ramblings? Why is my hand seperated from my arm? Why does Big Tad want to show me his bippie? Why is the sky red? Why do I feel dizzy inside? Why does it hurt? Why me? 
Mr. Bob
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Since last week you murerdered my sister will you come to her funneral service and drink her milk before we take her to the slaughter house and turn her into a big mac?
moo moo says the cow
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have you ever felt an udder? is it smooth or ruff because hoves are illequiped fot touch?
moo moo says the cow
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my dead sister is calling in the night to me.  Ear plugs dont work and im losing sleep. what can I do to stop my sisters moo calling.
moo moo says the cow
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Allright, guys.....i get that i'vwe asked a lot of questions in the past and none of them were funny, and i'm sorry for that. But is there any need to hold a grudge?
llarson
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can you please hook my brother up like you hooked my sister Bessie up?
moo moo says the cow
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So, there's this girl, and she likes me, and I like her, but this other dude kinda also likes her, so...How do you tune a harp to D Flat?
Shmiley
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Heat to 415 or 337?
Shmiley
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Do you guys know how to play "light as a feather stiff as a feather......go!"? Its the new craze sweeping and i want to know more.
robwerto
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how do you make crack cocaine??
dru
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"Here boy! Here boy!....look, I've got something for you.....what a nice juicy steak.....how nice of you to run all the way across the acreage to get here.....look at your mouth water.....is that drool I see?....Heh heh heh, too bad it's for me.....now scram!"  *Puts steak on barbeque*  *sizzle*  Do you think my money will change me?
Guido
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I bought Big Tad a shrubbery.  Where should I put it?
lady sasami
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Ha, QUEST-ion, like from monty python, right? How do you remove staples from superglue?
Shmiley
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Simian, Simian, Simian, you silly monkey. What's a mon and why do you need a key for it? I'm surprised you're cordinated to be drunk and stick a key in the slot at the same time. Har har! I can feel the sexual tension between you and Elvis.
Tahmeekah Lahsheekah
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Help! I need somebody! Help! Not just anybody! Help! Har har, just kidding, it's Carnut that needs the help.
Tahmeekah Lahsheekah
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Now that I have Resnet access at my dorm I can download por-er, short movies in a matter of minutes. Very exciting! I discovered this actress by the name of Sylvia Saint, and while she is quite neat, I'm curious if anyone here could tell me about some other talented actors/actresses?
Lucy
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simian. care to discuss your thoughts on prohibition?
robwerto
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Define the Universe and give three examples.
Jenn Dolari
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heres my question: since you guys are the experts, whats the perfect gift for that special lady in my life that i love (stalk)?
¥ (boo radley)
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Why cant we all just get along? I think its time for my nap.
splee
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I never said mayonaise would cure herpies lady sasami! I may have said "relieve irritation" but there is no cure for herpies. Even if mayonaise does reduce herpies it can still resurface and be passed on durring intercource. Ask your doctor if mayonise is right for you. *may cause nausia, lack of sleep, blurred vision, drowsyness, aids, salmonila, dilusions of grandeur, inability to eat, drink, breathe and otherwise sustain life and cancer. Remote cases experienced sudden apperiance of extra genitals and pastey mimes.
¥ (boo radley)
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What are you guys giving up for lent?
kwestionman
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What do we want? When do we want it?
Shmiley
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What is the meaning of life?
Richard
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Why should i follow the rules set by a midget? I am not about to let them stop the sun from turning orange. How about you?  I hope you see eye to eye on this with me, because you are worthy
The Scholar
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I have to pick a major. What did you major in? 
Kev
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Is it possible to drink to many beers? What would be to many?
Kev
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my mommy told me that there's a boogie man hiding in the closet and he's going to come out in the night while i'm sleeping and eat me....how come there's not a sliver jelly bean?
i.eat.crayons
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Itse valantinse day and i gotse some sugarand its good....WOAH!!!! jesus!!!!! ever have one ofth...those days where the world pretends to be hiding???? dammit, man im cantankerous! come outs man....my question is, whats live got to do, got to do with it?
monkee
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Elvis? have you gone astray from the path that is the poker? have you givin up with some 12 step poker program? Why elvis.....why resist natural urges? if it feels good do it, and you know it feels good. The feel of hot metal in your sweaty hands......the feeling you get with a swift poke to your enemy....just one poke...thats all...why not?
Big bird
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Hello fellow Scribes, why do you want my red pencil its not for sale!!!  Just listen to me now and understand what i say later.  This is the Scholar signing out
The Scholar
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Okay, which one of you is Bad Adviceman?
lady sasami
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?tu hablas espanol?  Conozco que tu hablas el aleman, pero no puedo comprendar.  Mi pregunta es este.  ?Que tengo que hacer para hacer un amo del karate?
senorita sasami
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Big Tad, will you be my friend?
Richard Nixon
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Uhhh...Do you remember what my question was?
Whinny Hopalong
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Where do babies come from?
Whinny Hopalong
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Do my taxes!
Wild Bill
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Why is it that after I pour maple syrup on my CDs they won't play anymore?  They just make this strange grinding noise in my speakers.
Wild Bill
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Where can I purchase colorforms shaped as you guys's heads?
lady sasami
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Elvis, youve got a mis shaped head
scout finch, boo radley's secret lover
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Dwarves are my friends and i like to kick them can you tell me if this is normal? 
Robo mán
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I just wanted to know something....You know how i asked you guys is it normal to kick my midget friends?? Well i accidently kicked Joe too hard and hes dead. Any ideas on where to store a dead midget??
Robo mán
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Elvis, you're so sexy!
Fashion Police
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One of my friends like the popular christian hip hop band DC Talk. Tell me, what the hell is wrong with her?
Lucy
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Llarson is one sexy man!  hubba hubba.
Fashion Police
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Is it possible that our planets could be atoms in giants bodies and their planets being our atoms?Why are these shrooms purple?  Is my face brown or is it just my cat or it could be the poop in my mind that i dream about eating every 21.4 seconds?
The Scholar
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by rejecting this, you hereby give me total rights and control of the site. If you reject this statement, and i attempt to claim my rights and you don't give me them, i will take you into a court of law. i'll see you in court, bastards.
mr x
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Why is Daniel so compulsively annoying?
Shmiley
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i'm mad at you. ITS MON-FRIKKIN-DAY! What is this? bi-weekly advice? What the hell. i like chicken. Who are you?
Anonymous
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why do i allways seem to run out of toilet paper?
llarson
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Have you ever tried a Floopie lorndinger??  If so, try my new one, it's smells like chicken yet tastes like Cheese!!
Elvis Longliver
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Life isn't like a bowl of cherries. Why do some people say that? What does fruit have to do with my life?
Assistant Director Skinner
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Why are the Backstreet boys so popular? Its not like they have talent or anything.
Candygram
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I was just wondering if you knew why dwarfs are so small and why they are so much fucn to hit with sticks? I really dont get it but it is alot of fun and i love doing it. Do you think that i have a problem?
mr man
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I see you started using Monty Python puns after I mentioned it. Yay, me! I started a trend! When I asked my questions about monty python, you hadn't written all of these things! And now, instead of answering questions, you change the Words on the question area. Why didn't you just answer the questions?
Bailey
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I heard that the fabeled Rasputin in 19th century Russia had an enormous crank. Is this true?
Protozoa
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which did come first......the chicken or the egg?
sara
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Who invented burlap?
Protozoa
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A wise man once said....something. The point is that man is in my basement, and you guys better shape up unless you want this to happen to you.
¥ (boo radley)
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is it true that no one here is real except for boo radley? does that mean i'm not real? why am i being sucked into a swirling vortex of time itself? my head is starting to hurt!
splee
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Do midgets have normal sized wankers, or are they small like the rest of their anatomy?
Leprechaun Man
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I was just wondering if you guys get alot of ladys? And if so are most of them dwarfs? And if so to that one is it like doing a goat from the rear? And if so why do you do it? Just wanted to know.
mr man
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WE are the nights that now say iky iky zangggg wooo!..............NI. Is that where you got ni from?
mr man
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sung to the tune of a song that is yet to be written "toilet paper sky hamper bambi and thumper eye stamper give me a hat yeah, a brown paper hat. my arm is numb and my tears are people too. you are cruel cruel, yet kind. have a heart, i can't finish mine. find me a wheel a big rubber wheel my eyes are like steroids and my mind is m m. my 3/4 is 12/7 pass the dental floss. their isn't room in the closet for two more pascifists. cat farm!"
k.w.a.p. ly amazing lyricist
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whats the answer to this question?
k.w.a.p. 
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Is it true that ignorance is bliss?
Mr. Chips
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How come no matter what I do, everytime I look out the window I see shmiley standing there with a dark trenchcoat on. How can I get rid of him? I have tried mace, little kids with squirt guns, and have even obtained some old Hansen music *Shudder*. But nothing will make him go away. Im pretty sure I heard him humming along to mmmmmm-bop. HELP!
BillyPilgram
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how old are you all? (in human years for jason and simian) 
steve
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OOOh look at me I'm shimley i have a strange affection towards garden implements and i accuse people of untruths and tell strange stories and day camp... giggle giggle
Shimley
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Dude, has this big tad guy got rabid fish living in his shrubbery or something? WoW, i want one... How do u know when a horse has had enough? ive lost my sight and feeling from the amount of blows to the head...YAY what does this button do..? *nukes afgahnistan* WoOoOoOo ive probably spelt that wrong but never mind.. My bum is on the rail, my bum is on the rail, look at me, my bum is on the rail, my bum is on the step, my bum is on the step.. DONT FALL DOWN THE STEP YOU MIGHT HURT YOUR BUM!!!! and thats not very fun... when u fall down and hurt your bum... i like to put my bum on things, its fun for everyone!!! my bum is on the cheese!! my bum is on the cheese!!! if i get lucky!! ill get a desease!!!!!! <Slipknot mosh pits are rather violent dont you think?>
SaZZyNeSS
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Okay, I was freaking out in my trailer and the sound of a foghorn shattered my session. The French judge gave me a 4.9. So my question is how many Beanie Babies can you shove up your ass in 45 seconds?
Mr. Bob
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How do ya'll feel about cornbread?????
Shawnathan
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Are ya'll familiar with a feller named "Boo Radley"?  I slept wit' him a few nights ago, and he said "Hey, Scout... that was great..."  And I said "I am not Scout, I am Jimothy."  And then he said "Then what are you doing here?"  I answered with "I dunno, what are YOU doing here?"  And he said "This is my house, what are you doing here?"  I got up and walked away wit' muh overalls in muh hand because I was ascared.  What do ya'll reckon I should say next time I see Mr. Radley?
Aesop's Great Uncle's Third Cousin's Second Aunt's Uncle's brother, Jimothy
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ANSWER TOO WACKY
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THE END?