SIMIAN T. MARMOSET ASSAULT & BATTERY WITH A STICK OF BUTTER AND CRESCENT ROLLS, STALKING, INTERNET CRIME & MISLEADING THE PUBLIC  D.O.B: JUNE 19 Height: 17" with socks on Weight: 24 ounces Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Grey Sex: Female Species: Primate Nationality: Brazilian Simian T. Marmoset is a very naughty, naughty little monkey. Described as an eccentric primate who believes that batteries never die they only fall asleep for a long, long time and kitchen appliances can stage bloody household uprisings, this resident of BRAZILIAN TRAILER PARK (now located in the USA) has duped the general public with misleading, and unsubstantiated, claims about William Shatner, Poptarts, and the soothing rhymes of Nipsy Russell. The once obsessed stalker of Poppin’ Fresh the P***bury Dough Boy, she is now a tax-dodging cult leader who runs the temporarily shut-down CHURCH OF POPPIN' FRESH. The Church, with a strong following that consisted of 3 college students and a 45 year old guy who lives in a bomb shelter, closed due to an unnamed company threatening to sue Simian into monkey oblivion ("Bad monkey! Bad, bad, BAD monkey!"). She is also the delinquent intellect behind the mind-numbing Internet game, MONKEY BALDERDASH which is frequented by seriously ill mental patients. Simian is thought to be in hiding after a rather nasty incident involving a garden gnome and some frozen pancakes. Further reports indicate she may have gotten on board one of the space shuttles in the hopes of avoiding a crazed troupe of circus midgets and is now circling Uranus. Simian is considered to be very small, dangerously dangerous and extremely cute. APPROACH WITH CAUTION! The FBI is offering $100,000 and a box of Devil Dogs for the capture of Simian the Marmoset. Aliases: Snuggles, Lola McGrumblebee - Agent to the stars, Swizzlesticks Bork, Jambi, Nurse Dieter, Umphoo-Phoo, Helen of Troy . Occupation(s): Monkey, High Priestess the COPF, professional cartoon watcher.